The Fix
by vampyreXangel10
Summary: its bella's time of the month what will happen to the cullens and how will bella deal with it.strong language and adult theams Now complete
1. Chapter 1

The fix

I noticed that Edward always acted strange at one time of the month my timeof the month. I climbed out of bed to change my tampon I grabed my bag of Bathroom stuff and walked down the hall to the bathroom. just then I heard Edward's vice coming form the bathroom strange I did not know that Edward was here I thought to myself. I pressed my ear to the door I heard a 'flush' and Edward saying in a childish voice " pee pee go down the hole." another 'flush'. "poo poo go down the hole." I guess I was leaning against the the door too hard because the door opened and I ended up on the floor. I looked up and noticed a familar brownish white string hanging from Edward's mouth the string was attached to my dirty tampon "Hey Bella he said remember that time in the meadow when I told you that your scent was like a drug to me."

He was waving the tampon around while he spoke I was cringing over the sight and the smell of the blood "Well this is my fix. My ownpersonal brand of heroin." "How long have you been doing this?" I asked he looked a bit embarrassed when he answered since." We got together I do this so that I wouldn't eat you Bella love." I starred at him blankly then I ran from the bathroom down the stairs pasted the living room something large caught my eye I turned around walked back to the living room and was shocked at what I saw it was Jacob with his leg hiked up he was pissing on the back of the sofa he was in wolf form.

"Edward!" I screamed he was by my side in a flash with his tamp hanging out of his mouth. he took it out of his mouth and yelled At Jacob. "Bad dog Jacob stupid mutt we piss out side. No dogie treats for you today." then Jacob turned into human form I turned my back to him and yelled. "What the fuck Jake ? Where are your cloths and why are you pissing on my sofa."

"Gees bells turn around and looked at me its not like you haven't wanted to see me nude before you know you do, and what would Charlie say if he heard what a potty mouth you have." I turned around and tried to look at nothing but his face while I yelled at him "What would Charlie say if he knew you were pissing on his sofa and for Christ sakes Jake cover your Wang." "Go home Jake Bella is having a bad day PMS you know." Edward chimes in showing Jake the tampon that he had almost sucked clean. Jacob walked to the door and opened it "oh Jake" I shouted to him "You never told me why you pissed on the sofa." "I was marking my turf." He answered like it was obvious. as he shut the door behind him I rolled my eyes and went up stairs to the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Duck Season

Edward drove us to his house .When we got there Jasper was running around in the yard in a Neon Green spedo and Emmett was standing on the roof with some buckets . As we got out of the car I heard Jasper yell. "Hey Em wanna see a cullen?" As he bent over to grab his ankles. "Only if you wanna feel some hale." replied Emmett as he emptied the contents of the buckets which looked like golf ball sized pieces of ice into the yard.

Just then I realized that Edward was not standing by my I saw Alice walking in my direction. "Bella we need to talk" she said "yeah I know. Can we talk later?, It's been a bad morning." I asked "tell me about it." She replied.

We went in only to find Edward on the floor with three carrots sticking out of his back pocket and one in his hand looking under the sofa. He turned to look at Alice and my self "shhhhhhhhh" he said" be verry verry quiet I'm hunting wabbits." In his best attempt at an Elmer Fud voice. "there are no rabbits its Duck season." Alice said "And just what are you talking about there are no rabbits in here you have no pets." I said "So you're telling me that there no dust bunnies here?" Edward asked sounding a little pissed off. "Now Edward you know that Esme would never let it get dusty enough for us to have dust bunnies she cleaned before she went on her trip."said Alice "But I like the bunnies." Edward moaned in a childish voice "Oh well." Edward said as he got up of the floor and put something in his mouth and started chewing. Alice looked at him with her head cocked to the side "Edward what the hell? are you chewing gum?" she asked as Edward went to answer the string fell out of his mouth it was my tampon not chewing gum.

Before Alice could say anything jasper came running in dancing circles around Edward "Shield your eyes!!!" Emmett yelled as he came through the sliding glass door. "Say no to the spedo." He chanted, just then Rosalie came in from the garage "Oh god my eyes!" She shrieked. "Jasper what did I tell you about going through my stuff when I'm not home?"Edward asked. "Oh my bad." Jasper answered" "I thought I threw all of those out fashion disaster thous are for Olympic swimmers and that's all."Alice yelled. "yeah actually you burned them all" Rose said, "They bought more just to piss you off Alice"she said trying to keep a straight face. "Yeah Esme bought them she thinks Carlisle looks hot in them." Emmett said. "Where is Carlisile?" I asked "I haven't seen him yet. " "at work." Alice answered just then Alice grabbed me by the arm as her rose and my self fled for the sanity of her room what was with the guys today? I thought to myself as she nearly drug me up the stairs.


	3. More spedos?

Chapter 3

When We to Alice 's room she sat on her floor with her legs folded Indainstyle. I sat on one end of the sofa and Rose sat on the other end ."What the hell is up with guys?" Rose asked. "I don't know " I answered . "But Edward was doing some strange stuff before we got here."I said. Then I told Rose and Alice what Edward had done. We all sat there trying to figure what was up with the guys. Just then we herd a knock at the door and music coming behind it then the door flung open. "God I hate this song. " Rose groaned .  
It was Barbie Girl by Aqua. Emmett was lip sinking to the song Dressed in a red top and black pants with a blonde wig, then Jasper comes in waring a formal gown with a short wig in the style of Alice's hair, followed by Edward in a pair of my favorite jeans and my blue sweater with a brown wig, Carlisle had on one of Esme's outfits that it was her favorite, his wig looked just like Esme's hair.

The funniest part is that they all made pretty hot women, with the exception of Emmett who was to bear like to be. They danced and sang to the song while we watched in horror When the song ended a techno song came on and they all started to strip. Soon they were all standing in spedos. Emmett's was hot pink , Edwards was neon yellow, Jasper's was ofcourse neon green and Carlisle's was electric blue. "What the fuck. I herd Alice manage to scream over the laughter coming from Rose and myself.  
"I wish I could have seen that coming I would hove locked the door. " Alice cringed "that would have done no good." Jasper laughed "Emmett would have just broke it down." he finished.

With out saying any thing Rose Alice and myself made it past the half naced group hot men and Edward's car out side.  
We jumped in and sped away from the house "what the fuck was that?" Rose stammered. "Yeah it took me like for ever to get those leather pants fitted to your curves Rosalie and Emmett shredded them in less than a second and Jasper ruined my formal and I had that made special from France for prom. I never got to try it on" Alice said sadly at the last part "And Esme is going to kill Carlisle for having on her favorite outfit on." Alice contonuied. "Hold the phone! " I interupted alice's babble You're worried about the cloths? I want to know what the hell is up with guys, and I'm sure Rosalie does to." Rose just nodded . Just then Alice's phone rang and she answered it "Esme!" she sounded happier then she should have sounded. That it was her and not Jasper.  
"no don't go home She said despreatly "Meet us at the mall I wanna shop ,oh its Rosalie my self and Bella no but Bella needs some new clothes and we all know she needs my help." Gee thanks just act like I'm not here I thought. then she hung up the phone.


	4. Freedom

Chapter 4

After we met Esme at the mall and shopped around a little we headed home

in hopes that that the guys had calmed down and were going to be have them selves

_**MEANWHILE**__**BACK**__**AT**__**THE**__**HOUSE.........**_

**  
EMMETTS POV**

While every one sat down stairs chatting like a bunch of girls I snuck into Esme's room

got into her green paint.

I striped and covered my-self from head to toe and back and front until I was completely green.

Not just any green. Hulk Green.

Thank goodness that Edward invited Jacob over or Alice would be telling Rose and

Bella what I was doing and it's a good thing that I wasn't thinking or Edward would know what I

was about to do.

I was thinking about what Esme would look like nude to confuse Edward.

I went to my room and found some of Roses cloths that were green. Then went

to the stairs.

I stood at the top jumping onto a table below smashing it into pieces,grabbed

the collar of the shirt that I had on and riped it into shreds.

All eyes were on me.

"Don't make me angry,you wont like it when I'm angry!"I shouted

and flexed my muscles and as I strained my pants riped too.

So there I was totally nude just then Jacob riped off his cloths

and Edward took his off and folded them .

Then every body yelled Freedom and took their cloths off too.

Edward reached in to the pocket of his pants and pulled out a little plastic bag

with something redish-brown in it.

He opened it and put in his mouth .The smell was amazing, but what had Edward put in his mouth?

Just then Jasper walked over to him and pulled the string out of Edwards mouth and put it in his own.

Edward growled and said "Hay that's mine and it's the last one. Go get your own."

He snatched it back then Carlisle saw what happened and went to see what the fuss was about.

He took the tampon from Edward and put it in his mouth.

Well they were leaving me out. I ran over and held Carlisle down and took it from him

and put it in my mouth.

I took it out and offered some to Jacob ,if Edward did not want to share then he shouldn't have taken

it out in front of us.

"You blood suckers are some nasty freaks " Jacob shouted

Jacob sat Back and watched as we fought over who got the tampon next.

we were not paying attention to the door.

_**BACK**__**TO**__**BELLA**_

"What The hell?" I shouted

here were Edward,Emmett,Jasper and Carlisle all nude roilng around in the floor

"Ah ha got it " Jasper yelled as he ran pass us out the door .

"OH MY GOD where are your cloths?, Emmett why are you green?

and Alice why didn't you tell me that they were doing this?" asked Esme .

"The mutts here she couldn't see what they were doing" Rosalie answered

"But we should have told you that they have been weird all day It started when Bella got here"

added Alice. "Um maby you should sit down Esme" I said

She walked over and sat on the couch. Told her how the day started and

Carlisle chimed in on what might solve the problem

"Maby you should just stay away for your week of the month."

then Edward came up behind me "Bella love that just might work I could just hang out

with you at your place because I cant bare to be with out you!

_**THE END**_

ALL TOGETHER NOW AWWWW

sorry for not updating there will be more stories The one and only T.O.D

half the credit goes to my sister and she knows who she is. ;)


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